What it was like back then...

In 2006 I was so desperate to get off drugs I went public with my situation. Sky News became interested and a reporter called Alison O'Reilly made a documentary about me (we went on to become friends, that's her on the left with me).

This is what we spoke about three years ago:

Rachael Keogh: It’s become all I know, really, to be honest, erm, when I wake up in the morning like, I’m really, really sick, you know, I literally can’t get out of bed. Until, unless I have heroin in my system.

Alison O’Reilly: You were fifteen when you first injected heroin.

R: Yeah.

A: You’re 26 now going on 27, and you’re still using heroin.

R: Yeah.

A: What’s those years been like for you?

R: An absolute nightmare. An absolute nightmare because, you know, I start to kind of, erm, you know, the consequences of using drugs, erm, happened very quickly, you know when my family found out, like they were absolutely devastated. I don’t think anyone wants to be a drug addict, you know or to do the things that they have to do in order to feed your habit you know, erm, but, like when I tried to get clean, I couldn’t do it.

A: What is that on your arms?

R: Well, because I’ve been using for so long I literally have, I’ve no veins left. And erm, there’s ah, I’d be routing around for veins and you could easily mistake a capillary for a vein and the capillaries are so small that they can’t handle the heroin. What happens is the heroin burns through the capillaries and, erm, I have, I literally have black necrosis, erm, all over both my arms.

A: How does that make you feel? Does that make you feel frightened?

R: It does yeah, because I’m, I’m terrified. I’m terrified of losing my arms. I don’t want to be using drugs (sobs). You know, I don’t want to. I have no veins in my body like, it’s an absolute nightmare, like I don’t want to be using drugs, I really don’t. I mean and I have to go off now later on and I have to do whatever I have to do to get the drugs and it’s like all your morals go out the window. You know, it’s like, I mean, my family instilled a lot of goodness in me, I’m not a. I’m not a scumbag and in my heart and soul I’m a good person you know, but when it comes to drugs all my morals go out the window. And I do whatever I have to do to get drugs, you know.

A: What’s out there to help you get through this really bad situation that you’re in?

R: What I need now at the moment is, erm, I need to be hospitalized. And I rang, I rang a few places and they told me that, you know, you know,  I was going to have to go on a waiting list and I says look at the way it is, you know, by the time I go on, if I go on the waiting list, by the time I get into the place I’ll be dead at that stage. Or else I’ll have no arms.

 A: Do you really think that you could die?

 R: Oh, without a doubt. I genuinely know for a fact, I know for a fact. I’m actually surprised that I’m still sitting here. You know, I think I’m really being looked after. If I didn’t have the family I have I think I would be well, well dead, you know. Because, you know because, erm, the state I’m in physically, you know, your body can only take so much, erm, and the doctors are serious like they’ve warned me, they told me “you’re going to lose your arms if you continue to use. You are going, we’re going to have to amputate your arms.”

 A: But you just can’t stop yourself?

R: I just can’t stop, I mean, I’ve, you know, gone so far with the drugs and I’m so sick that I just don’t have the strength to do it on my own. I need help. You know, I mean never in a million years did I think my arms would end up like this, you know. From drugs, and it really upsets me every time I look at them, you know. But, erm, my God I would, I would give anything to be able to get clean. Because I know that I have the potential to do a lot more with my life, you know.